X-Men: Days of Future Past

Go see this movie

So I'm a little late on this. I was supposed to go see X-Men: Days of Future Past on opening weekend, but shit happened. So here's the review for those of you who have yet to see it and aren't sure if you want to.

Let's get started then. Because it's a ridiculously long title for the rest of the review I am just going to call it DOFP. DOFP was directed by Bryan Singer, and he did a pretty alright job. DOFP contained all of the usual player. Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), Professor X (Patrick Stewart (old), James McAvoy (young)),  Magneto (Ian McKellen (old), Michael Fassbender (young)), Mystique (Jennifer Lawrence),  and so many more fabulous actors who played fabulous parts. The cast and the acting quality is probably not what you are concerned about. I don't think anybody can say any of the actors in the X-Men franchise were poorly picked.

It's the plot that you're probably worried about. DOFP opens with an apocalyptic type landscape and the implication of war and bad luck for future mutants, and then jumps into an epic fight scene and then time travel and stuff. Not bad. The plot is basically oh no bad shit happened and now we gotta use Kitty Pryde's (Ellen Page) powers to fix the things that Mystique did that accidentally caused all these robots to be able to take us all out. I don't think the plot was as confusing as everyone thought it was going to be. I think maybe people were over thinking it. Like I took my friend who had only seen the first X-Men movie and she wasn't even confused.

I did have a little tiny problem though. Not enough older mutants. I was really really really looking forward to seeing Storm (Halle Berry) and Iceman (Shawn Ashmore) and a lot of other cool characters from the first three movies, but there was a major lack. They basically got two small (but awesome) fight scenes. One at the beginning and one at the end. So I was a little disappointing in the lack of awesome older mutants. We did see a lot of Wolverine though, which is so expected I could cry. Don't get me wrong, I love Wolverine, but why does he got to be a major role in everything.

Overall I really liked it. Since it's in it's last few weeks the theater was pretty empty and if you need something to do for two hours you might as well check this out. If you've seen the other X-Men movies then the ending to this is going to make you go AHFJHDKSDLJH. So yeah. Totally worth the forty bucks going to the movies yanks out of your pocket.

I give this movie four stars

Project Cain by Geoffrey Girard

I would not recommend this book.

Before we get into the review let me just say that the "author/blogger drama" surrounding this book will not be factored into my review. Because you know. I'm not in eighth grade and I don't care about the he said she said of it all.

With that said, boy am I disappointed. I can't believe I wasted my, now very limited, time reading this. It was a good concept and it just ended up all wrong.

What do I mean by that? Well. The book is about clones of serial killers. How in the world do you mess up such a cool concept? I mean really. I hate to sound creepy with a capital C but, serial killers are kinda my thing. Clones are cool too. So what went wrong?

Meet sixteen year old Jeff. Clone of Jeffrey Dahmer. Name sound familiar? Well if you use your car radio then you've probably heard Katy Perry's song Dark Horse (and you've probably heard it a billion times) and he's briefly mentioned in there. But he was actually like kinda more interesting than the Katy Perry song makes him seem. He was a gay serial killer who killed like seventeen dudes and then like kept their body parts sometimes. You can look it up if you want. Which is exactly what Girard tells you to do. Instead of giving some really interesting information on Dahmer he has Jeff tell readers to look him up. Strike one. Granted I was already pretty familiar with Dahmer, because as I said before, serial killers are kinda my thing, but the average person isn't as insane as me and probably wouldn't know about Dahmer. Especially not a teenage audience. Most teens aren't going to stop what they are doing to look it up themselves. I'm kinda disappointed that we didn't get more into the details of some of the monsters they talked about.

So that was strike one. What about two? Well. The writing itself is a mess. One thing I'm sure you've heard your English teacher say over and over again is "SHOW DON'T TELL" and I don't think this guy got it. There was a lot of telling and not enough showing. At times it was almost like the information was just being thrown at me. Not good.

Strike three was the plot itself. I guess I expected it to be more of a political-science fiction-thriller type thing. And I got at lot of political government take over stuff with limited thrill and some very unlikely science fiction. A lot of conspiracy theories too. Maybe that's my fault. Maybe I shouldn't have just assumed that it was going to actionish. But I did. And now I'm disappointed.

Overall I am not impressed with this book at all.

I give this book two stars

Looking For Alaska by John Green

Best Book Ever

It's the end of the week, and I promised you a review of my new favorite book. I probably should have reviewed this like two weeks ago when I finished it, but oh well you're getting it now.

I could probably go on for hours and hours about how perfect this book and John Green are, but I'm not going to do that to you. I think everyone who has ever watched a John Green video knows why he's a perfect human child who can do no wrong. And anyone who's ever read a book of his knows why he's a great writer.

But for those of you who don't, here's a little run down. I think one of the best things John does in his writing is appeal to teenagers who aren't happy. None of his characters are ever the happiest people in the world, but they aren't the worst off either. I guess what I'm saying is that his characters are relatable.

While our main character is Pudge/Miles I felt most closely with Alaska. Like when she says that she smokes to die I get her because that is also why I smoke. She is moody, one second she acts romantic with Pudge and the next she is a bitch and that is also what I do to boys. She's a reader. She's a bad ass. Even with all the traits she still seems real to me.

I also really connected with Pudge, despite mostly connecting with Alaska. I liked the fact that he never got to really be with Alaska. In most cases when a main character likes another character they get them. So I admire John for not just putting them together like he could have. It adds a nice sense of never that I like. As in Pudge can NEVER be with Alaska because the tragic middle of the book doesn't leave room for it, for obvious reasons.

So yeah I really liked it.

I give this book 5 stars

Hank Green and The Perfect Strangers!!! OH MY GOODNESS!

I'm sorry. I know I said I would review Looking For Alaska by John Green this week but oh my goodness this is more important. Today I received my copy of Hank Green and The Perfect Strangers!!!

Look it's signed and everything.

So I'll get to Looking For Alaska eventually, but for now I would like to talk about the MUCH under appreciated brother of John Green, Hank Green. I can't even believe there are people out there that still are like "Who is Hank Green." Like who are you. Hank Green is perfection and so is this fucking CD. I am so excited to have my copy. I'm going to listen to it for eight hours straight and I don't even care.

For those of you who haven't ordered your CD yet, what the hell are you waiting for. The album consists of 14 tracks, all of which are fantastic. Honestly there isn't one song on here that I don't like. I think that's a pretty big accomplishment. Usually, even a super fan, is going to hate at least one song on their idols CD.

Anyway sorry for the fangirl. I had to. I totally recommend the CD. Super excited. Alright bye.

The Amazing Spider-Man 2

Amazing Spider-Man 2 Ticket

Don't pretend like you didn't know this post was coming. Before I start my review of The Amazing Spider-Man 2, directed by Marc Webb, I'd like to go over a few house keeping things. First, yes, I know, I haven't read like anything all year so far and I've barely posted any reviews. Well too bad. I'm a senior and I have senior stuff to do even though I'm probably dropping out/failing out anyways. Woo. But I did read a book. I read Looking For Alaska by John Green and I will have a review of it up by the end of the week. But, for now, Spider-Man.

Well what can I say? It was average.

Andrew Garfield (Spider-Man/Peter Parker), Emma Stone (Gwen Stacy),  Jamie Foxx (Electro/Max Dillon), Dane DeHaan (Harry Osborn/Green Goblin), as well as basically everyone else were amazing in their roles. I don't know why everyone was getting pissy because Jamie Foxx was Electro just because he's black and the character in the comics was white. Calm down you racist slobs. Who fucking cares. If I hear one more time that someone is pissed off over that I will deck them. But yeah everyone did a really good job with their roles.

Action was good. Not enough, but what was there was good. None of the fight scenes really made me on edge except for the last one between the Green Goblin and Spider-Man, and I think everyone knows why. Totally more action than in the first one though.

Now that I'm thinking about it I probably have more complaints than praise.

My biggest complaint is that they advertised this movie to be jammed packed with villains. Like Electro, Green Goblin, and The Rhino. But here's my problem. No surprise, Electro was the main bad guy, which i liked. I figured GG got enough screen time in the original movies. But here's the thing. Don't tell me that your movie is going to have three villains and then give me this. The Green Goblin was barely a villain. It really only took one fight scene to take poor Harry out. And the Rhino came in at like the last minute of the movie. That is not three villains. That is Electro running the show with a side of Harry and a poor set up for the next movie.

I did like Electro a lot though. I know a lot of people didn't think they could sympathize with him or whatever because he was crazy and weird. But like I could. There's a really cute scene in the elevator between Max and Gwen where she's like "nice to meet you Max" and he's all like "SHE REMEMBERED MY NAME" except he is really awkward so it was more like a subtle little thing and not yelling. And like that's me. Too awkward to be a human.

I also really enjoyed Peter's relationship with Aunt May (Sally Field). Every scene they had together felt real. Like it could really be going on somewhere at that moment. So I would like to give the credit now before I forget.

Now back to complaining. I think what it comes down to is somewhere the movie just doesn't really reach my superhero action movie standards. Especially coming right after Captain America The Winter Soldier. The simple fact of it is, nobody can make Marvel movies like Marvel can. What a lot of people don't understand is that SONY owns Spider-Man movie rights. Fox owns X-Men and Fantastic Four, in case anybody was wondering. And each company owns a few more. But I think we can all agree that the entire Avengers franchise is MILES ahead of the X-Men, Fantastic Four, and Spider-Man movie franchises. I mean like the X-Men movies aren't bad but compare them to some of the stuff that's come out these last few years from Marvel (The Avengers, Captain America Winter Soldier, Thor the Dark World) and they barely stand a chance. Although First Class is up there on my superhero movie favorites, and so is the one where Wolverine goes to Japan. My point is, these studios will NEVER be able to make their superhero movies as good as Marvel studios could have. If Sony and Fox cared even a little bit about these characters they would sell the rights back right this second. But until then I'm afraid we'll keep seeing average movies.

Three and Half Stars

OKAY SPOILERS AHEAD. WARNING. SPOILERS. DON'T BITCH IF YOU READ AHEAD AND I SPOIL SHIT. I WARNED YOU. 

Prom night

In case you're wondering that picture was to prevent you from seeing spoilers if you didn't want to. Look at my bitch face. Turn back now if you haven't seen the movie. I am warning you. It will ruin everything.

So Gwen dies. I mean it's really not that much of a spoiler if you know anything about comic books. So I knew it was coming. It happens in the comic books. So of course they were going to put it in the movie. But here's the thing. I was kind of hoping they wouldn't. I think killing off Gwen in the movies was a really really really stupid idea. First of all, Emma Stone is basically a goddess and like perfect and America loves her. Second of all this means they are going to bring in Mary-fucking-Jane. I hate MJ. I hate her so much. And i HATE the actress that is playing her. Shailene Woodley. I don't think she can act to save her life. Feel free to disagree with me. But making an actress I think is annoying play an already annoying character. Shaking my head. I hope they change that. I'd rather Peter have no love interest than listening to two and a  half hours of Shailene.

But back to killing off Gwen. I understand why they did it. But I wish they hadn't. She got a decent death scene, full of suspense, but the very end of it felt rushed. Like oh look she dead and now Peter is crying and now funeral and now Peter doesn't want to be Spider-Man, but look a metal fucking Rhino is gonna hurt that kid, okay I'll be Spider-Man again. Like. What.

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

I'm sorry the picture is so bad.

Epic. That's the one word I would use to describe this brilliant movie. With only one small flaw I have no choice but to declare Captain America: The Winter Soldier, (directed by Anthony and Joe Russo) the best Marvel movie ever. Ready for this. Better. Than. The. Avengers. Guys. BETTER THAN THE AVENGERS.

So with that being said, I guess I need to explain myself. Don't worry. I'll try not to spoil everything. To save some space I'm just gonna call it Captain America 2 for the rest of the review. So. Captain America 2 was an action movie. It had a plot, of course it had a plot. It's a Marvel movie. And the good folks at Marvel aren't going to just shove pointless action down our throats. But when you look at it all together, it is, without a doubt, an action movie. I think a lot of people will agree with me when I say that's exactly what we wanted from this movie. Give a superhero movie too much plot and character development and you get an Iron Man 3, which is passable, but not something everyone is going to love. Give it too much action and it just becomes two and half hours of blowing stuff up. Captain America 2 manages to find a good balance. The action starts within the first fifteen minutes and doesn't stop until the end. This is not one of those movies that you are going to be able to get up to go to the bathroom during. You're going to be locked in your seat from start to finish.

Action aside, the plot was just enough. For the most part I saw the plot as 'oh no who is shield and who is hydra and oh my god gotta save the world and set up for Avengers 2'. It was pretty easy to see who the bad guy was. The second he walked on screen I was like "that's the douche that is in control of running all the bad guys." And I was right. While the plot was easy to follow along with and wasn't really too hard to figure out it still had just enough power to get me interested. But like I said. It was an action movie. Which is what we all wanted.

So for the small flaw that I mentioned earlier. For a movie called "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" there was a disappointing lack in Winter Soldier. But that's just my opinion. *Spoilers* It also would have been nice if we all didn't know The Winter Soldier was Bucky, but hey, that's how the internet ruins things. I don't even really think that was too much of a spoiler. Anybody who owns a computer or looked at IMDb knew that Bucky was The Winter Soldier. Which is kind of unfortunate. It would have been nice if in the theater we were realizing it was bucky the same time Steve was realizing. So that's my complaint.

But here's more positives. Chris Evans (Steve/Captain America), Samuel L. Jackson (Nick Fury), Scarlett Johansson (Black Widow/Natasha), Anthony Mackie (Sam/Falcon), all were fabulous in their roles. And it wasn't just them. Everyone, even the minor characters, did their roles justice. The cast was amazing and their acting was amazing. I couldn't ask for more.

There's so much more I want to say. So many good things. I can't decide what to say next. The characters? Or do I fangirl now. Hard decisions.

Let's talk about the female characters of this movie. Black Widow and Maria Hill (Cobie Smulders). I am not what you would call a Black Widow fan. I think she's kind of overrated in the Tumblr community.  And I think her hair in this movie was stupid. I liked it better curly. Whatever. In The Avengers i thought she was just a token female character, and I think you're just kidding yourself if you think she was anything different. She wasn't the token in this movie. I think they should have called the movie something like "Captain America and Black Widow". She felt real in this movie. And she actually saved Steve a few times. Same with Maria Hill. Okay so I'm still mad about the How I Met Your Mother ending so I must say when I saw her on screen I got mad and boo'd in my head. Nothing against Cobie Smulders, but it's going to take a while to get over that betrayal. But she redeemed herself by stepping up later in the movie by not being the token girl. She played a larger part than I thought she would have. Not as large as Black Widow, but larger than her role in The Avengers.

One last note I have in my head. This isn't going to be your typical dry wit Marvel movie that the last few have been. There weren't any really laughable parts. Just a few chuckles. I think that's what this movie needed. It would have been stupid for such a serious action packed movie to have all that humor in there. So I think it was a good call.

To wrap this up, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. I'm more than happy with it. I'm not even like a huge Captain America fan. Sure he's cool, but he's not like Iron Man cool.

Okay one more thing. Thank me for this later. There are TWO end credit scenes. TWO. Not one. TWO. Stay for the whole thing. They did that with the second Thor movie too. I don't know if Marvel thinks it's clever or something. Like are they thinking 'oh they all figured out that there's an end credit scene let's be sneaky and put TWO in'. Plot twist. You are sneaky. Everyone left after the first end scene except me, Sydney, and these two old people. We win. Your move Marvel. What's next? Three? No. I don't think so. I personally think they should go back to just doing one. Two is kind of pushing it.

Obviously, five out of five stars.

Third Time Is NOT The Charm

I was hoping that the third time I was going to like this movie. But I still just think it was maybe okay. I don't think the Catching Fire movie is as good as everyone made it out to be. This is my third time watching it and I'm still disappointed.

We rented it. Now I usually prefer the theater experience to the couch, but eh. Got to see it on my TV sometime. And I'm sure when I buy the DVD I won't watch it much, but oh well. But I thought maybe, just maybe, the movie would be better if it was in my own home. Still not that great. Although getting to pause it when I had to pee was refreshing. That's the one perk to watching movies at home.

I already talked about why I don't like the movie as a whole. So this time I would like to talk about Effie. More specifically, Effie's Makeup and clothes. I don't know what they were doing but it was not a good choice. The outfit where she has like gold hair and makeup just so horrible looking. I want to cry each time I see it. Like no. Just no. What are you doing? The ONLY outfit Effie had on that actually looked good was the butterfly reaping dress. That's it. Shows over.

That's, hopefully, the last problem I've found with the movie. I'm sure another will come up when I actually buy the DVD and waste another two and half hours of my life crying over how this movie is way overrated. It's good. It's just not the best movie ever.

The Lego Movie

The Lego Movie

Hi. My name is Imogen, but you can call me Ham, and I am secretly a five year old. This weekend I went to see The Lego Movie (directed by Phil Lord and Christopher Miller) and it was the greatest decision that I have ever made. All I can say is: You really need to see it. Like if I could only pick one movie to recommend out of every single movie I've ever seen this would be the movie I would choose. I guess the reviews of this movie are super mixed, but I'm gonna go with it was straight up awesome and here's why.

"Everything is awesome. Everything is cool when you're part of a team." <- If you didn't walk out of the theater with this catchy little tune playing in your head then you are doing movies wrong. This is, by far, the best song in Movie history. I'll even challenge the Frozen sound track with this song (okay no I wont. That would just be too far, but the song is good). I mean like, I'm listening to it right now. It kinda sucks though because I had school today and belting it out in the middle of the halls is frowned upon.

Emmet (Chris Pratt). Oh my goodness I felt for Emmet (our main character) so much. From the start of the movie when he was having breakfast alone with his plant to the end when he was the hero. I almost shed a tear for the poor guy. Emmet was a nobody, until he was declared "The Special". Even then people still doubted him and thought he was stupid. I didn't think Emmet was stupid. I thought Emmet was one of the saddest characters I've seen in a long time. I felt for him every step of the way.

There was a plot, guys, come on, it had a plot. When I first read about the movie a few months ago I was like "that sounds stupid" but I was really wrong. Emmet must stop Lord Business from gluing the world together. But I think it's about so much more than that.

And the sass. This movie was so funny and sassy and perfect. Literally the sassiest movie of all time. And the sass award goes to: The Lego movie. I thought I was only going to laugh like once or twice but girl I was laughing through the entire thing. From the first scene on I was dying. I feel like a lot of the jokes were more for teenagers and young adults, not for kids. They weren't like dirty or anything. Just more relevant to someone in my age group. If you want to laugh then go see this movie.

So I'm giving this movie 4.5 stars. Why? The ending kind of made me a little, well, I don't even know. It wasn't angering or disappointing, just weird. It went a little off for me when real people started popping up. That's when I was like nah I don't like this. Luckly it was only for like ten minutes and then it was done so good.

I give this movie all of the stars. 

My Related Paper About Plastic

Hey everybody. This is my attempt to post more, so it's Whatever Wednesday. My favorite of the days. I'm just kidding, this is probably my least favorite of the days, but I had an idea. So today I'm going to share with you a paper I actually turned in to one of my teachers. And once you read it you are probably going to be like "what the hell is wrong with this girl." but I'm gonna share it with you anyways. A little background, the paper was supposed to be about a documentary we watched about how plastic is killing the world. I hated it. It was well filmed, and well narrated, and it wasn't even that boring, I just didn't care about plastic. We were supposed to talk about three things we learned and we were supposed to give a solution to the plastic problem. I got a 75 on this paper, so a solid C. I think I deserved an A+ (not really it was horrible). So I want to hear what you think about this paper that I actually turned in. Enjoy. Sorry about the formatting. Blogger is being ridiculous and a half. Maybe I can fix it, maybe I can't.

Sam Guinen
1/29/14
Related

Why I Don’t Care About Plastic

First let me give you a little disclaimer. This paper is either going to be the best paper you've ever read, or it’s going to get me a detention. Either way I don’t care, I’m writing it anyways. This paper is going to go off track so many times it probably won’t even make any sense. By the end I’m sure I won’t even know what I’m talking about because I’m really just trying to get it to three pages. So far this paragraph is doing a good job of filling space.

You really picked the wrong day to assign this paper. I’m not having a good day, Chuck. So fair warning, this paper is going to be hella sassy, and probably horribly written. Like I’m talking straight up choppy sentences and like horrid grammar. So let’s get on with this nonsense so I can get to Mrs. Edwards’ paper, which it the one I actually kind of care about.  
          
So plastic. It’s 100%, irrefutably, bad for the environment. It’s like smoking. Everyone knows it’s bad for you, but people do it anyways, which is fine. By now if you try to deny that smoking is bad for you then you honestly probably deserve whatever happens to you. This isn’t 1952 anymore, it’s, unfortunately, 2014, we know better. It’s the same thing with plastics. Everyone knows that they don’t break down in the environment. Everyone knows that it’s going to the ocean and killing the fish. Everybody knows. If you don’t know then you’re probably in a third world country. I never got the third world first world thing. Like, are there second world countries? I’m being complete real right now. I’m curious. Hold, let me look it up.           

 There are. I guess there are fourth world countries too. Weird. Speaking of third world countries, how about India. Yeah, it’s sad to watch those people live in filth, but I feel such disconnect to it. It’s not me, why do I care? I don’t. I know you know that I don’t care, but I’m going to say it again anyways. I. Do. Not. Care. Maybe the country should get its act together and build like garbage places (dumps, now that I think of it). Why doesn’t the government step in and actually do something? Why aren’t the people revolting if it’s so bad? It doesn’t seem like a problem to me. Just clean it up. Like, it’s not that hard. Clearly they need stricter regulations. I don’t think India is a problem because it will sort itself out eventually. Maybe I would care more if I saw it for real. I think you should pay to send me and Slank to India. Just kidding. I do want to go there someday though.            

Did I tell you about me and Slank’s RV trip? Yeah we’re gonna buy an RV next summer and travel cross country. So the entire time I was watching that stupid plastic documentary I was just looking for places to go. He didn’t really go anywhere that we can take our RV though. So like I guess we need to invent like an RV boat thing, because I would actually like to go to India, and Italy, and everywhere. Obviously I don’t have that kind of cash. I’m just in retail. I would like to try my hand at waitressing. I’m really good at being fake nice to people.          

Let’s get back to why I don’t care. I guess people are all butthurt because fish eat the plastic and then we eat the fish and then we get sick. Well here’s why I don’t care: I don’t eat fish. Fish is gross. I don’t understand why anybody would eat fish. Here’s how you fix that problem: Stop eating fish. You don’t need it that badly. Like I don’t understand why everyone overcomplicates it. Go eat a chicken. I don’t even care.            

Sometimes I think I’m a sociopath. Don’t worry, I said sociopath, not a psychopath. If that were the case then we’d have a problem. What, don’t know the difference? While both sociopaths and psychopaths have no moral compass, no empathy, no sense of caring for themselves or others, and are usually pretty manipulative people, a psychopath is someone who is going to be violent. A sociopath (me) isn’t going to be violent. I don’t think I give you enough credit, you probably already knew the difference. Let’s move on. Surprising unrelated paragraph jump now!            

Plastic has chemicals in it that cause cancer? I can’t say I’m surprised. Everything causes cancer these days. By this time in our lives we pretty much all know someone who has died from cancer, or at least had it. It sucks. It really really really sucks. I can’t even describe how horrible it is to know someone is dying right in front of you and not being able to do a damn thing about it.  And that’s just the thing, I can’t do anything about it.            

When I was younger I use to (still do) eat microwave popcorn daily. And when it came out of the microwave I use to lick the butter off the bag. I don’t know if you know this, but that’s actually hella bad for you. If damage was done, then damage was done. I was little. So someday if I get cancer I’m gonna go with the popcorn as a reason why. What happened, happened (that’s from Lost, which is the best show ever). I can’t do anything to change it. Neither can you. Everyone is going to die someday. Some sooner than others. Plastic has been around us our entire lives. We can’t fix ourselves now. It’s too late. Damage done. End of discussion. Even know as I stuff my face with cheese-its I’m eating them out a plastic bag. What else am I supposed to use? Glass? No. Paper? No. Plastic is a staple of life and it’s not going anywhere. Even if it did, it’s too late for me.            

But what about your future kids? Is it too late for them? Which brings me to another huge I don’t care. You see, everyone is so worried about their future kids and what kind of environment they’re going to be raising them in. Which they should. People who are having kids should want to give them the absolute best future possible. Well, I’m never having kids. And no, this isn’t one of those classic teenager things where the teen is like I hate kids blah blah teenage angst. No, I really do hate kids. They’re sticky, and the poop, and cry, and smell, and the list could go on and on for reasons why I hate kids. So I don’t care about the worlds future, because I have no future stake in it. While I can get and respect people wanting to make the world safer for their kids, that’s just not something I have to worry about. If I ever did have a kid it would probably be accidently and I would give that thing up so fast the speed of light would be impressed.            

I’m impressed with you for reading this far. I don’t know why you put up with this bull. If I was you I would hate me, but for some reason I get the feeling that it’s not the case. Why? Chuck, I’m not a good child, despite what you might believe. I’m a bad child. I’m rude, sassy, incredibly lazy, and you know, I’m kinda mean. Remember how I said I’d like to try my hand at waitressing because I’m good at being fake nice to people? Well, I’m fake sorry to say, you’ve been fake niced. I am the meanest person you will ever meet. Just ask Slank. Like. Girl should have bitch slapped me at least a dozen times now. I’m so mean even B-Souz has slapped me. Like. How do you ever get B-Souz that mad? You don’t know me at all.            

Wow just a little more to finish off this paper and I’ll be done, but I actually have a lot more to talk about so this might end up being like four pages. Maybe not. We’ll see how lazy I’m feeling. I think I’ve got most of the sass out too, so I’ll be able to do Mrs. Edwards’ paper sass-free.            

So I’d like to go back to where I was talking about cancer and how it sucks. Now I’d like to talk about death. Do you remember the first time you came to terms with your mortality? It’s funny, when I ask this question a lot of people say that they do. I don’t. I feel like I’ve just always known. So I don’t care. I don’t care when I die or how. If it’s death by plastic toxins I don’t think I’d have a problem with that. People are always trying to pro-long their existence. But why? Maybe we weren’t meant to get old and gray. I think they had it right back in the pilgrim days when they got married at fifteen and died at the age of thirty-five. Plastic is just another barrier the human race will have to overcome to pro-long the inevitable. Why bother? When you think about it, I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t ask for plastic to be my problem. It’s really not fair that two people can just decide to force a human into this world when it’s very possible the child will be miserable. It’s not fair that we have to go to school, get tortured, make friends, go to work, have more babies, get old, and die. Like I didn’t ask for that. And on top of it I have to care about plastic? No. Not going to happen. #SorryNotSorry. I can’t do all that. I certainly am not going to waste my time caring about the plastic and where it ends up.            

There’s one thing I learned today (or yesterday, depending on when you read this). You said something about alligator penis’s being hella small. That concerns me. Like those poor alligators must be all butthurt about their manhood. And if it can happen to alligators then what’s to stop it from happening to humans. Okay, you caught me. I don’t care about the alligators. I care about the human men this could be ruining.
          
So this paper probably didn’t make any sense and it probably didn’t fit any of the criteria because I didn’t actually read the board. But you should give me an A anyways. A is for awesome, which is another word for this paper. I mean like I guess I’ll take a B, but anything less than that would not be cool with me because it just took me an entire hour and a half to type this. It would have taken less time but I had to text Jacob every few minutes or he would get hella butthurt. So please give me a good grade. I deserve it and I am your favorite student. Okay peace out. 

Top Seven Future Reads

Hey, look, I'm actually posting something. It's Top Seven Tuesday, though as I'm writing this it's getting pretty close to Whatever Wednesday. I'm not even sure what top seven I'm going to do. At first I was thinking my top seven English teachers and then a frightening realization hit me that I don't even remember half of their names. Then I was just going to to do top seven teachers, but then I couldn't figure out if I was going to put Chuck at stop seven or spot one and I'm just not having that bullshit tonight. So... I'm still thinking. Give me a minute.

I got it. Currently, on Goodreads, I have 189 books on my to-read shelf. So today my top seven is: The Top Seven Books I Am Looking Forward To Reading. That's a long ass title. I think I'll shorten it on the title box.

Looking For Alaska by
 John Green 

7) Looking For Alaska by John Green. I've been putting off reading this for a long time, mostly because I was too lazy to buy it. But my Grandparents got my sister ALL of John Green's books for Christmas so I'll probably borrow it from her. I can't wait to read this book. I'm more than excited for it. Everyone who has read it says that they loved it. So it's on my list. John Green is one of my most favorite people in the world. Like if I met him I think I would just die. The end. I'm dead. I'd pass out so hard.

6) Rise of Heroes by Hayden Thorne. It's a gay superhero story. What more can I say.

5) R.I.P: Choices After Death by Daniel Sherrier. I can't remember for the life of me where I found out about this book, but I did, and it looks awesome. It's high up on my must read list. It just looks good. I'll link you to the Goodreads description here. Totally worth checking out, or at least i think so. Ghost stories have kind of always been my thing though.

Article 5 by
Kristen Simmons

4) Article Five by Kristen Simmons. There's really only one reason I want to read this book, and it's my sister Amy. To set the mood of the story allow me to tell you about our relationship. It's not a good one. I literally accidentally knocked over her pain stand a few nights ago and she wrote a status about how she wants to kill me over it. I broke it. Oops. But that's just one of the many reasons why she hates me and never lets me touch any of her stuff. She got the book on her Kindle for summer reading and she said it was so good that she would let me borrow her kindle so I could read it. She doesn't even trust me to touch her keys, never mind her kindle. So that's why I have to read it. If it's so good she's actually going to let me borrow something of her's then it would just be an injustice not to read it.

Born at Midnight
by C.C Hunter

3) Born at Midnight by C.C. Hunter. This is one that I've been meaning to read for a really really really long time. The only reason I want to read it is because the main characters name is Kylie, and that's my best friends name (that and the story actually sounds good, so). But it was just one of those books that caught my eye, and  I think the cover looks really nice. So that's why I'm up for it.

2) Croak by Gina Damico. Another book I've been meaning to read for, like, ever. I can't remember what originally attracted me to the book, but I remember being really excited when I heard about it like a year ago. It is about Grim Reapers though, so that's pretty awesome. I love Grim Reaper stories so much it hurts. Mary, a friend of mine who reads like three books a day, also gave it a really high praise. I don't know why that matters, because the books she picks usually suck, but it makes me feel a little bit better. Hecka excited to finally start reading it soon. I have high hopes which usually is not a good thing.

Gay Porn Book

1) And the number one is? Community Service by Vaughn R. Demont. The third and final (I think final?) gay porn book series that I love so much. I kind of had to take a break from reading them because my mother was like: "ARE YOU READING PORN? KNOCK IT OFF." So I had to wait until she forgot, and she hasn't mentioned it in a while so I think I am in the clear. This series makes me feel so much I might die. I cannot wait for Spencer and James to team up in the third book. I'm gonna cry buckets of gay porn tears. So excited I might die. I cannot stress that enough.

So that's my top seven. I hope you enjoyed this post, because I'm pretty sure that it will be my only one this month. I'm swamped until we finish Dracula and get done with all the senior projects. So enjoy. And always, sorry I don't post enough.